Helen Y.C. Cochran's Obituary
The life of Helen Cochran through the eyes of Stephanie October, 2013
To honor and celebrate Helen Cochran’s life, I’d like to say a few words about her. This is the kind of information that you get over the years, when family members reminisce about old times sitting around a table.
Grandpa Herbert Yee had an arranged marriage with Grandma Baw Ling Fong, who came from a well-to-do family. Although she was pampered, she was trained to be a good mother. That was lucky. They left China and began their married life in San Francisco. Mom was born June 26, 1923 at St. Luke Hospital. She was the eldest of 6 (herself, Katie, Jean, Margaret, May & James) and later of 9 (Wanna, Ronald, & Lily).
Due to the need to make more money, the lure of the booming automobile industry, and the desire to be near Grandma’s older sister, the Yee family moved to Detroit, Michigan. They opened a laundry business where they also lived. After the birth of several children and with the stress of caring for their business, Grandma became fragile and sickly. So by 7 years old, Helen was put to work collecting and ticketing laundry from customers, ironing hankies, and helping her mother and siblings. She was confined to a one block radius of the laundry. One day someone from the department of Children and Family Services came and said the children had to go to school. So Helen and her sister. Katie started school. She was a quiet and obedient student.
Grandpa was a young man saddled with a large family, a sickly wife, and responsibility for 2 laundries. From the strain of long work hours, congestion in a small space, the monotony of work without break, and the weariness of health and financial problems. Grandpa sometimes lashed out and often punished Helen for small infractions. But he did believe in working hard to support his family. Grandma believed in the importance of having a son to carry on the family name. She kept on having children until she got her son, James. Eventually her health was in jeopardy from having too many children. A month after James was born, she died from heart failure. Before she died, she asked Helen to promise to take good care of her brother and sisters.
Grandpa realized that his children needed a mother to care for them. In 1936 Grandpa closed up his 2 laundry businesses and went back to China with his children for a second arranged marriage. Helen was 12 years old. Grandma #2 (Seem) was a sturdy, no-nonsense, traditionally built woman and appeared to be good for child rearing. He lied to the matchmaker about the number of children he had. He claimed 3 children when he actually had 6. Seem found out the truth as soon as they were married. Grandpa soon returned to San Francisco leaving Seem and their 6 children and with one on the way in China. The plan was for Grandpa to send money for the rest of the family to come to the United States, too. Seem was not fragile like grandma #1 or timid. She took charge of the whole family and often berated grandpa. Eventually, Grandpa and Seem had three children of their own. The children and Seem lived in a remote village in the southern part of China where they stayed until it became too dangerous. Japan was at war with China. The Yee family hid whenever the Japanese army was nearby. Most houses in the village had dirt floors and no indoor plumbing. The Yee family depended on the land for food and on what Seem could sell at the market. The sisters shared beds and chores. Life was very hard and unforgiving.
Hardships in China took its toll on Helen’s health. She was sick with malaria and beri-beri for 2 years. She lost the ability to walk. From time to time, Seem tried various local remedies such as burning various areas of Helen’s body to drive the bad spirits away. Seem tried feeding her rice and salty preserved fish each day, but Helen refused and grew weaker every day. This routine continued for a long time. One day, Seem was preparing a meal for the pigs which consisted of rice hulls. The smell of this food started Helen salivating. She begged Seem for this food. Seem gave it to her. Over time she became stronger and regained her ability to walk again.
When Helen was strong enough, Seem sent her to an uncle in Hong Kong to catch a ship back to the United States. She gave her just enough money to accomplish this. When she got to Hong Kong, the person in charge of the passenger manifest demanded more money. Helen did not have it, so she waited for help from her family. A British surveyor noticed Helen sitting on a stoop everyday and questioned her as to why she was sitting there and not going to school. She explained her situation to him. He told her to come back the next day with her uncle and go with him to the ship. He spoke to the person in charge of the passenger manifest. Helen was then able to get on the ship for exactly the amount of money she had ready for the voyage. She boarded the ship with her one pair of shoes and one dress. When they finally arrived in the bay area, Helen was not allowed to get off the ship because she was a child who needed a sponsor. While waiting to disembark on Angel Island, she asked the ship’s cook to contact her aunt and uncle. When they came to pick her up, she was allowed to enter the United States.
She began her life in the states again staying at her aunt’s home. Even though Grandpa did not help her, she was able to finish 10th grade. One day her aunt told her she could not afford to take care of her any longer. Her aunt found her a job as a live-in nanny. Helen did this for awhile until she discovered she could make more money as a waitress. She quit school and started her waitressing career at a Chinese restaurant. She met husband #1, Oliver at this restaurant . She married him because her aunt advised her it was time to find a nest. They had one child. That’s me. Helen raised me to become an accomplished lady. This was not a good marriage, so they got divorced.
Fortunately Mom excelled at waitressing. In fact, she loved her job and the crew. She was easily hired to work at better restaurants. One of these restaurants was called Pland’s where she made lasting friendships with Elsie and Daisy. She was well-liked by her co-workers and a customer favorite. Terms of endearment were applied to Helen. She was affectionately called “Peanuts”. In fact, Helen was greeted like a rock star at Pland’s and Francesco’s, an Italian restaurant. Pland’s was also where she met Tom. They discovered that they shared common interests, desires, and humble beginnings. After a short dating period they eloped to Reno, Nevada on March 1963. On December 1964, Karin Kim was born. Mom and Tom celebrated their 50th anniversary this year. They enjoyed their children, family, friends, travel, dancing, writing classes and daily coffee breaks and walks on Piedmont Avenue.
Helen helped her sisters get acclimated to western life when they came back from China. She found a place for them to stay called Ming Quong which is a home for girls. When James came back, she got him in a bachelor pad with grandpa. When her siblings decided to marry, she helped them. Because she was a talented seamstress, knitter and the big sister, she made dresses and the needed wedding arrangements. She kept her promise to her mom.
Now for the sunshine in her life, her grandchildren (Travis, Garrett, Emily, Brendon, Avril and Anika). When each of them were born, she was ecstatic and full of joy. Whenever she was around them, her eyes would light up. She knew that all is right with the world. She was happy and contented.
Helen was street smart, hardworking waitress, mother, best friend, tenacious fighter, and an excellent house & money manager. Her life is defined by the importance of family, love, honesty, humility, determination, youthful spirit, and loyalty. She always claimed a guardian angel was looking after her and hoped for the best for her family and friends. Her children dearly miss and love her. We are grateful for having her as our mother. She has shown us hope, strength of character, endurance, and perseverance.
She has demonstrated throughout her life that you can do and be what you dream. Dreams can be realized through commitment, compromise, patience, tolerance, determination, and love.
Love to you, Stephanie
What’s your fondest memory of Helen?
What’s a lesson you learned from Helen?
Share a story where Helen's kindness touched your heart.
Describe a day with Helen you’ll never forget.
How did Helen make you smile?